Longing

Longing

 The you in me or the me in you – go figure I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about my mother how I wish she sees things the way I do and I know that she wishes I can see things her way as well – so my friend said to me ‘where will she begin to unlearn’ – I actually had an aha moment you know that light bulb moment, that I have to worry about my own life not other people’s lives. I realised it is my ego that thinks I am right and others are wrong. The stuff that irritates me about other people, I must learn to stand aside and ask myself what it is about me that irritates. This is an awareness process that brings me back to the ‘I’, the source, it all starts with me. I have noticed that most things are easier said than done – I have used inspirational quotes from philosophers and great leaders without realising their deepest meaning, I pretend to understand them theoretically and not from a practical point, – they really sound musical, these quotes hold a deeper meaning than I realise. It is a good start to want to experience the meaning of the quotes, then comes the actual experience which is the doing and thereafter in the end you realise it was NOTHING actually… what am I going on about, let me use one of my favourite quotes ‘life begins at the end of a comfort zone’ – Wow! It sounds great to say it, it sounds really clever and philosophical especially when giving advice to a friend after reading it for the first time without trying to understand it. Yeah!! Friends regard me clever, they think I understand this game called life, what they don’t know is I’m also in the field fumbling along – I just read the manuals from different authors and I memorise and remember what I can,… flip! When I realise the advice I gave them, I am the one who needs it the most. It is like looking in the mirror and talking to myself – so the friend is the mirror reminding me to take an honest look at myself, I sound like Michael Jackson right now - ‘I’m looking at the man in the mirror, I’m asking him to change his ways – no message could have been any clearer – if you wanna make the world a better place take a look at yourself and make that change’. The point I’m making is it all starts with me and it all ends with me. The people I attract into my life are a reflection of me, how? A guy who is afraid of commitment who wants to care for other people and deny himself pleasure, he does not understand that a beautiful woman like me can love him, he thinks he does not deserve me, he comes up with all kinds of excuses not to be loved. Where do I fit in here? For I know for sure that I want all the attention now, I deserve to be loved; I am ready to allow someone to care for me. – How can this guy be a reflection of me – when I look at this thoroughly - we are definite opposites *** What I need to do is to thank him for his honesty, close the chapter and move on to the next book, figuratively speaking. He was in my life to help me accept and face the fact that I am entering a new stage of my life of being in an honest relationship that is a reflection of me. (SCARY) The fear of waiting, fear of what if I don’t meet the one, fear of being alone, f o r e v e r!!!! O M G - I tell myself I will settle for him even though he has about 80% of what I want in a guy, I tell myself I will compromise the 20% - in this way I’d be denying myself happiness, wholeness, I’ll be settling for second best to what I asked for.

 My Master Marc Steinberg told me in my face that when I think someone is withholding and not giving his all it is actually not the other person it is ME.
 “We all project onto other people parts of ourselves that we disown, that we deny”
What one suppresses within, one suppresses without.
What one gets upset with within, one gets upset with without.
What one condemns within, one condemns without.
What one fights within, one fights without.
                                     - Words by Marc Steinberg – founder of Consciousness coaching

As scary as it is - I need to push myself out of the comfort zone and face my fears and allow myself the pleasure that I deserve and trust that what I have ordered will be delivered on a silver platter only if I let go, then I ask myself that I have been in the discomfort zone for a while now – the waiting is uncomfortable – how much patience can one person bear, damn, the discomfort of wanting to share intimacy, laughter, ice cream with a close mate is not nice at all. – It is all part of the mystery of living a wholesome life.

 When I find you, I would have found me.

 Lots of Love
 GugutheCoach.