Sunshine on a cloudy day

In the middle of a storm I have learnt to be still and calm and I wouldn't say I have learnt to enjoy it coz that would be a lie..I just become aware of what is happening and I become fully present in it. This might not mean anything to someone who reads about being present but has never practiced or experienced what they read.

when I was about 13, my mum sent me to a shop, to buy something that she urgently needed - I think it was one of those moments when you make tea and you realise there is no sugar - I ran into the shop as I got out half a second later the rain was pouring outside - people were gathered on the veranda of the shops talking about different things, others complaining, others surprised at how fast this rain came as I was about to sprint into the rain to hurry home someone said it will pass soon, coz it came too fast, and an elderly woman said if I ran in the rain I would get sick L,  so I decided to wait with them - while we were waiting a boy my age was walking in the rain wearing nothing, but his underwear - my first reaction was of envy, that he is lucky but when I saw that he was crying like a baby I got confused - thinking I'd be jumping up and down coz it's something we did a lot - played in the rain and had fun - anyway in my confusion one of the older guys on the veranda assumed that the boy's father was training him to be a 'man' and he went on to explain that in the rural Zululand fathers use to send their boys naked in the rain to herd cows - this trained them to be strong. From that day on I made a choice that I will also choose tough over easy - in anything I did, regardless to say that at home I hated cleaning the house or washing dishes, but what I really enjoyed was to clean the stove - we had a coal and wood stove - I enjoyed the texture of ash on my hands, when we visited my granny I enjoyed smearing cow dung on the kitchen floor, it was their way of cleaning floors - it made no sense then - most people hated it but I loved if for some odd reason. I felt odd.

the oddest was when my ex - husband use to beat me up and once he hit me so hard on the bridge of my nose and it pained like crazy and I told myself I will allow myself to feel this pain without pretending, from then I made decisions like when I have a headache I will not numb the pain by taking painkillers, I will go to the gym to make friends with pain, I will deliver my babies without any anaesthesia... this has become part of my life. In the middle of a storm, I relax into it', I do not analyse whether I like nor dislike it - I just allow it to be. the storm passes eventually...then I find that I am a better person not in comparison to anyone else but a better person than the one I was before the storm.

In life there are storms and sunshines and we need to experience all of them equally without any analysis, as people we tend to only want to experience the sunshine and when the storm comes we moan and groan. I find that if I do not welcome the storm, it keeps on visiting me – especially when I think I’m clever than the universe and use ways to dodge it – the storm visits me more often than others whom I compare myself to, in my eyes they seem to be forever basking and enjoying the benefits of the sunshine..  If I endure the storm, there are benefits as well. I find people in the city only want to talk about their successes, they never mention their ‘failure’ – a breakup, repossession, shortage – so much pretence, when you mention any ‘negativity’ you are experiencing – you get cut out of the circles. Ooh my gosh!!! On the other hand in little towns people are always talking about their ailments, hi blood pressure, arthritis – they embrace it and when I say I never get sick then we don’t relate coz I have nothing to complain about.  It’s like they look for negativity to report, nothing positive when a conversation is going well they have a way of spoiling it by saying something like ‘if it wasn’t for my weight .. I’d be enjoying my new car better’ 
I enjoy not talking when there's nothing to be said.
WTF – let’s live this life it has its own laws, it has opposite sides as the coin.

Love

Gugu