Listening

GugutheCoach

Lately, I’m noticing that I do not like talking; I only speak when spoken to and answer what I need to answer.  I have become a good listener, since I started observing myself in conversations.  Gosh!!  I have learnt to pay attention – It is so good to listen to other people when they talk, it is also a polite thing to do.  I use to hear people talk to me and answer just to sound clever or to appear as if I understand the subject or just wanting to voice my opinion – ‘put words together Gugu, say something they might think you doff ‘ I guess that’s what I use to tell myself -  NOW it gives me pleasure to not talk at all. To listen with interest without analysing, to pay attention and be interested in the talker and see passion in their lips, their eyes, their being.  – My presence is what is important in my listening and making other people feel special.  I choose to be present in conversations.

Do we want to be heard or listened to? That’s my question -   I realise that we like the sound of our own voice– do we really?

Are we even listening to ourselves when we speak, do we care about what we say, is it facts we talk about or we are just using our voice coz we have it, do we even know we have a voice, do we even know that it has a sound -  the voice has a sound  -YES!,  OK’- when the sound is empty it makes the loudest noise,  this sounds like a contradiction, as I observe each time I converse the story always goes to what could have been – how can I talk about what could have been if it didn’t happen.  Talk about what happened and not the assumptions –. I get lost in empty sounds.

 I noticed from my previous relationships that I fought with my partners because I wanted to be heard – not listened to, the higher my partner’s voice went – mine will be even higherer.  When I lowered my voice my partner would listen, what a realisation – I make sense when I listen to myself talk, then we reach consensus – accord - . Agree to disagree in harmony.  When I listen to myself speak - people listen.  Listening is a gift that I want to continue working on until I master it.  

Recently I was blown away by an old friend - a guy  - he spoke in his language to me, he knows I don’t understand Shona, he didn’t need me to answer him and believe me I don’t want translation, Priceless – music to my ear.  I told a friend recently that my next relationship will be with a guy who does not speak my language and I don’t speak his – we will have beautiful silent conversations – it will be perfect.  One woman I know is going out with a deaf and mute guy and she says it is her best relationship ever.

 I treasure conversations – what makes a person want to speak with me is an honour – that, says HELLO! I see you, do you see me? Interestingly enough this morning I wanted to put my theory to the test  to see what makes people start conversations – sitting at Mugg & Bean having my cappuccino while waiting for my breakfast I looked around the restaurant to see who can I strike a conversation with – there were no people at the tables closest to mine, anyway when the waiter came with my fruit salad I asked him to ask the gentleman that was having a big breakfast by himself  if I could join him – the waiter was unsure in the beginning  -  when the conversation between my waiter and the gentleman took  longer than expected – I knew already that the answer was a NO.  Well,  what fascinated me more is the conversation that happened between that particular gentleman and the other gentleman sitting at the table next to him – mission was accomplished for me I do not know what they spoke about, I don’t really care – what I care about was seeing them share laughter  - Wonderful!  Acknowledgment.  I am because you are.

I have been sent as a messenger, I am the message – the word itself for the word is God!

Namaste!
Love G