CHOICE

I haven’t blogged in over a year.  I decided to stop for a while when I discovered Consciousness Coaching.  I consider myself enlightened –but every time I pick up a book, meet different people, attend transformational courses – I discover that I know absolutely nothing about anything – I am making peace with this knowledge on a day to day basis.

I looked at my life and discovered that people claim to know me. And I ask myself how can these so called friends and family claim to know me when I do not have a clue about me.  An old primary school friend who is a friend by virtue of the fact that we have known each other for so long and we have been drawn into each other’s life and have done things together,  when we are together she always reminds me of the past stories, our conversations are about the past, she remembers things ‘I’ did when I was at school – I appreciate this and I look at her and ask myself as we continue to spend time together from time to time if she really wants to know me –and I really want to get to know her NOW. – I open myself up each time we are together and I talk about what I am finding out about myself and I hope she is listening.-

My journey fascinates me.  I am discovering new things about me each time and I remain unattached because these things about me are not who I AM.  I have made drastic changes in my life - I made a decision to change the things that don’t serve me anymore. Firstly I stopped doing jobs I don’t like – I realised I took these jobs for money - SURVIVAL – I do not want to survive anymore – I LIVE.  I wake up to the life I was born to live, I know I wasn’t born to make ends meet.  Secondly I let go of control, I have three sons that I have been controlling  -by making excuses for them, working because I have them,  I find that I have almost ruined their lives, there is some damage I have caused them.  I did not support the GREATNESS they were born with, I dictated, shouted and screamed making myself a victim for being a single parent forgetting that it is a choice I made, I have FREED them from my cage.  Thirdly I have moved away from a place I pretended to like JOHANNESBURG, I enjoyed hustling and bustling, I was up there with the high flyers and I felt empty and sick to my core, I opened doors of possibilities and I have decided to close those doors before they get shut in my face once I get found out that I am actually tagging along -  I do not conform –. I fake d it and it worked for me while it lasted.

Now I have moved to my home town the small forest town that natured me and taught me all the values I needed when I was growing up and those values have remained embedded in my system, they have guided and guarded me and I am grateful that my values have directed me back to where I belong and to where I need to be – In this way I find I have SUCCEEDED.  I take my hat off to the people who have remained true to this town and did all there is to do and I still take my hat off to my peers who are still chasing the rat race in the big city and hoping that one day they will make it big. 

I embrace the power of CHOICE!

Yours in Love

Gugu